I was going to do the best hockey movies of all time. Then I realized that I would just end up writing about The Mighty Ducks for like an hour, so I decided better of it. Instead, lets count down the best fictional athletes of all time. 6-10 now, 1-5 tomorrow.
10. Ricky Bobby - I'm just a big hairy American winning machine, you know? Yeah, Ricky, we know. And now we pray. Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
9. Ivan Drago - Yeah, he was a bad guy, but what a friggin' bad ass. He was a machine. And he was that good while fucking that chick from Flavor of Love? Are you kididng me? The guy would have rulled the world if that stupid chick wasn't in his ear.
8. Forest Gump - His legs busted through those metal braces like they were made of Swiss cheese, so you knew he was strong. But to dominate not one, not two, but three sports? The guy was a fucking monster. No one else can dominate cross country running, football and ping pong that way.
7. Sky Davis - Doug Funnie had them. I wanted them. Air Jets. If you don't remember Sky Davis and his Air Jets, then either your childhood was before I care to hear about, or your childhood sucks.
6. Mike Tyson - Almost bizarre to a point where it's not believable. I mean, from best fighter in the world, to rapist, to ear eater, to tattoo face guy, to movie star, to fat coke head, to talk show guest of the year? Yeah right ... What? This fucker is real? And he's still alive and doing crazy shit? Bull shit.
where is 1-5? if harry potter isn't on the list...not sure what i'll do but it'll be ugly.
ReplyDeleteI fully expect both Daniel Larusso & Henry Rowengartner (had to look that name up) -- also known as the "Rookie of the Year" to make your Top 5.
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