Bait-And-Switch: Moron Style

Jose Canseco gets punchy, sends twin brother to fight in his place

Having a twin sibling in your life comes with many well-known benefits.

Jose Canseco reportedly tried it over the weekend down in Miami and Ozzie Canseco — his 46-year-old twin brother previously best known to baseball fans for this baseball card and 65 career at-bats with the A's and Cardinals— ended up fooling nobody.  The scheduled fight with Billy Padden never went down and the Miami Herald reports that Ozzie left the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino escorted by police officers.

OK, so this is a few days old.  But it's still awesome.  I mean, really Jose?  You shagged a fly ball by headbutting it over the fence for a homerun.  You have been on more lame reality shows than New York from Flavor of Love.  And you wore this ridiculous shirt http://thewifehatessports.com/wp-content/gallery/mlb/jose-canseco-pointless-seethrough-shirt.jpg.  But this takes the cake, you crazy son of a bitch.  You hired your brother to box for you?!  Amazing.  Completely amazing.  And not only that, but when the organizer of the event refused to pay your brother, you started bad mouthing him for flaking on the contract?!  Wow dude, wow.  But ya know what?  I can't blame a guy for trying.  Who would want to get his head kicked in when he can get his look-alike to do it for him?  Which got me to thinking.  Who else should call in the doppelganger to do their shit for them? 

Former Cincinnati guard, Steve Logan and DMX:  Steve, you got arrested for something?  Send in DMX.  A jury would convince him before he was able to start barking and yell "DMX!  DMX! WOOF WOOF!  DMX!"



Chris Bosh and a raptor:  Tired of being the third wheel?  Send in the raptor, who is used to being third best behind the T-Rex and most other dinosaurs.



Jokim Noah and the ugliest dog in the world:  Sick of being made fun of for your shitty ass free-throws and jump shot?  Send in this weird ass dog.  I'm sure he's been called worse.



Pau Gasol and the Geiko Caveman:  Yeah Pau, you're a huge pussy.  But so is the Caveman.  He gets all sensitive anytime they say "even a caveman can do it."  I'm sure that he can replicate your demeanor.


Nancy Grace and Jareth the Goblin King:  You're both weird as shit.  It'll work.  Though I do feel bad for Jareth, because he was pretty awesome.


Tyler Hansbrough and Beeker:  No one really knows what either of you do at this point, so no one would bother asking questions.


Michael Jackson and an ape from Planet of the Apes:  Well Mike, you're dead.  Soooo ... I guess this doesn't make sense.  But you do look like one of these apes.