Top 5 Baseball Movies Of All Time

Apparently all of you like lists and rankings and crap like that.  Thank God, so do I.  I go around all day saying dumb shit like "top five sandwichs I've ever had, no doubt.  Peanut butter and fluff on Nissen bread?  Yep," and "top ten elevator commute ever, no question," and "best blow job I've ever got, easy" (although, isn't the blow job you're getting at the time the best blow job ever?  I could be wrong, but I doubt it).  So I decided to start ranking sports movies.  I'm doing baseball now.  I'll do basketball, football, and hockey down the road.  I'll keep going though.  NASCAR?  Yep.  Golf?  Sure.  Rugby?  Saturday's a rugby day!  Soccer?  Weak, but why not?  Drinking games?  Certainly.  Board games?  Yeah, I can even make that work.  So with that said, here is my baseball list.  And come on kids, post some comments.  I'm not doing this for my health.  Old Crow and red meat is for that.  I'm doing this for you.  The degenerates who are reading this crap.  Tell me what movies I'm missing.

5.   The Sandlot (1993) - We know that Wendy Peffercorn was a smmmmoke show.  And beyond that, it was just a great movie.  I mean, Darth Vader was in it.  Winning?!  Rhymes with winning!  And it was set in the summer of '62.  Was there a better baseball era?  No, there wasn't.  The 20's and 30's were segregated.  The mound was raised in the 70's.  The 80's are foolish for so many reasons.  And the 90's are made awesome by marred by steroids.  The '60's are without question the golden age of baseball.  Sandlot nailed that.  The line "You're killing me Smalls" is from this gem.  There is a dog named Beast.  Beast is the best name for a dog ever.  Shit, it's the best name ever.  And, because everyone who loved Sandlot also loved 300 (that's science), I give you this:



4.   Rookie Of The Year (1993)  - After seeing this movie, every kid in America wondered what would happen if he busted his arm, had the tendons get too tight, and could throw a baseball 300 miles per hour.  But what really sets this movie appart from the rest of the pack can be summed up in two words:  Gary Busey.  Yeah, you forgot that he was in it, didn't you.  Well he is, and he's awesome.  Pretty sure he won like four Oscars for this one.  Seriously though, what a crazy shit Gary Busey is.  He was Charlie Sheen before Charlie Sheen was Charlie Sheen.  Fucking nuts.



3.   Tom Emanski Instructional Videos (1993-1997) - There isn't much that needs to be said for this cinematic orgasm or a video.  Fred McGriff in that awesome foam hat?  Dudes throwing baseballs from center field into trash cans?  Dynamite.  I never have actually seen one of these, outside of the awesome commercials I saw during Sportscenter commercials when I was like thirteen years old, but based on those and nothing else, it gets the three spot.



2.   The Bad News Bears (1976) - We all love an underdog story, and this is it.  We've all been on bad teams when we were little.  We had the fat kid who plays only because there are rules for that sort of thing.  We have a girl on our team even though it's baseball and not softball, but that chick just insisted on  playing baseball for some stupid reason, and everyone is nice to her, but she hits like .197 and can't field for shit.  We've all been on that team, in some form or another, and this movie shows us that we can win.  Even though no team with a chick on it is going to win anything, but whatever, it's a movie.  Not only that, but the coach is a drunk.  Awesome.  I can do that.  And, above all of that, the chick who played the chick turned out to be hot!  I had no idea.  I mean, I did a whole post on little chicks who became hot chicks, and I missed this one.



1.   Major League (1989) - Charlie Sheen is in it.  That's why Major League is winning.