Boston's Worst Athletes - Red Sox and Celtics Edition

Boston.com is currently running a march-madness style bracket in order to determine Boston's best athlete.  Well that's easy.  It's Tom Brady.  No real point in even doing the rest of the bracket.  It would be like having a bracket to determine the best Baldwin brother.  A waste of time.  What would be more fun is a bracket of the Boston's worst athletes.  We'll start with eight today from the Red Sox and Celtics.  We'll later do the Bruins, Pats, colleges, etc., and work our way down to Boston's worst athlete.  Read about the Sox and Celts, figure out who the worst is, and you'll be able to vote later today.

Roger Clemmens - What a fucking dick.  He's a lying piece of shit who tried to murder Mike Piazza with a sawed off baseball bat.  And when approached by fans for his autograph, he would ask for $20.  Get over yourself you fat goat.



Johnny Damon - That limp wristed caveman didn't have an arm, acted like an ass-hat, and couldn't throw an empty bottle into a trash can.  And no, I'm not just pissed that he went to the Yankees.  Ask anyone who knows me.  I hated that fucker from day one.  He had good range in the outfield but Jason Giambi could have tagged up from first to second on a shallow pop-up on Damon's pansy arm.  And he was even overrated at the plate.  Don't believe me?  Baseball-Reference.com, one of the most comprehensive baseball statistic sites out there, shows Damon as a comparable hitter to Steve Finley and Willie Davis.  Sure, he was a decent player, but for fuck sake Sox fans, get over him.





Antoine Walker - The C's could have taken Steve Nash or Kobe Bryant over employee number 8.  Instead, they took this fat toad of a small forward who, despite the fact that he knew how to rebound, seemingly refused to do so.  Rather, he jacked like ten 3's a game and made two.  But don't worry, after those two he did that vomit inducing seizure of a shimmy shake.  Gross.



Len Bias - Quitter.





Eric Montross - He looked like a tired albino woman and he played worse than that.  The top ten pick lasted two season in Boston, averaging about 8 points and 6 and a half rebounds.  You're seven fucking feet tall.  Get more rebounds than Rondo!



Edgar Renteria - Before Boston?  Hall of fame numbers.  With Boston?  Like, 400 errors, only 8 homeruns, and the most strikeouts he's had since he was a teenager.  After Boston?  Hall of fame numbers.  Give me a break.



Dice-K - The fact that he's here has nothing to do with his pitching.  It has to do with the fucking circus that came across the Pacific with him when he came to Boston.  Trying to make it to Fenway during that first year when he was on the Sox was like trying to make it through the streets of Tokyo while Godzilla was attacking.



Pervis Ellison/Vin Baker/Michael Olowokandi - I know that you're thinking one of two things.  Either you're thinking, who the hell are these guys?  Or you're thinking, why are they on the list?  They aren't even good enough to be bad.  As to the former, I don't blame you for not knowing them.  As for the latter, yes they are.  Ellison was the first overall pick in a draft that featured Sean Elliott, Glen Rice, Shawn Kemp, Tim Hardaway, Mookie Blaylock, and Vlade Divac.  All of those guys turned out to be good, if not really good, pros.  But no, Ellison went number one to the Kings.  Eventually he ended up on the Celtics' roster.  He's a huge bust, and he played for the Celtics.  Baker drank away more talent than Mickey Mantle and Charlie Sheen combined (not because he had a lot of talent, but because he drank everything away).  And Olowokandi is Pervis Ellison incarnate.  He was the first pick in the draft and was taken over players like Vince Carter, Paul Pierce, and Dirk.  And, like Baker and Ellison, he wound up on the Celtics.  Huge wastes of talent who the Celtics paid.  Losers.