Ten Worst Sports Personalities

So, for reasons still beyond me, I acknowledged Joe Buck's existence in one of my last posts.  I'm still pissed at myself for doing that.  But what's done is done.  So, with that done, I couldn't get his mind-fucking-numbingly monotone voice out of my head.  I needed to replace it, but I couldn't shake the pure hate that I have for him.  So I channelled that rage into creating a list of the ten worst sports personalities in the world.  And by world, I mean America, because that's all that really matters. 

• 10:  Joe Morgan - He's 10 because ESPN displayed a bit of mercy on us all and got his dumb ass off of the air.  He would have been higher.  He didn't make sense, and if it wasn't for John Miller, I literally would have pretended Sunday night baseball didn't exist, in favor of reruns of American Gladiator on ESPN Classic.  Thank God he's gone.  May he die.  Too much?  Didn't think so.
• 9:  Jay Mariotti - Outside of keeping the eyebrow waxing people of Chicago in business, he has added nothing of value.  Unless you count smacking around women.  But I don't count that.
• 8:  Stephen A Smith - Why the fuck are you always yelling?  Calm down or you'll have a heart attack.  On second thought, keep it up.
• 7:  Chris Berman - Rumbling, stumbling, bumbling through another Sunday, are ya?  Yes, you are.  And you still have a job only because you were there from day one.  It's like the partnership that goes public, but doesn't know how to deal with the crazy old shit who helped start things up, but now is a liability.  Apparently ESPN has loyalty that runs deeper than Sienna Miller.  They shouldn't.  Berman is the only reason I go to CBS and FOX over ESPN on Sundays.
• 6:  Jim Rome - His one move is imitating the affect of Chandler from Friends, and epitomizes douche.  Also, Jim, not everything is burning.  Not everything is that serious.  Calm the shit down.  Other than that, he's solid I guess.
• 5:  Emmitt Smith:  He said all of these things:
• “You cannot change the stripes of a leopard.”
• “Don’t worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out… or, um… blown… blowed out… Let’s think about what we need to do going forward, and they had, uh… blown out.”
• “What happened tonight, the strength of the Patriots team got debacled.”
• “As my offense get better, my defense is gonna be that much more better.”
• And, destroying Jimmy V's moving speech, "Don't quit, don't even quit."
• 4:  Tim McCarver - I really feel like I don't have to get too deep into this one.
• 3:  Dick Vitale - A complete joke.  A cartoon.  I forgive the fact that he is a complete Duke homer.  I don't forgive the fact that he is a babbling idiot who is like that professor you had in college who was tenured like fifteen years ago, and now is just the running joke around campus.  He's weird, he's the dumbest faculty member, but keeps showing up and no one knows how to stop him.
• 2:  Shannon Sharpe - He looks and sounds like Mr. Ed, but less coherent.
• 1:  Colin Cowherd - I don't know where to start.  This guy is an idiot who is trying to compensate for issues that he's had since he was six years old.  And he's not doing a very good job.  He isn't smart, though he pretends to be.  He is arrogant, for reasons that are lost on me.  He makes up the few stats that he throws around, and he takes pride in not watching games.  He is embarassing, and he is the reason that I have to listen to Pandora between 10:00 and 1:00 every day at work.  Seriously, espn radio could put on a Spanish donkey talking about Chilean hand-ball, and I would listen, but Cowherd makes me hate sports.

Who else sucks?  Come on, the internet loves anger and hate.  Let it rip.