Sports Video Game March Madness: Finals

Here we are.  The moment virtually no one was waiting for.  The showdown between Ken Griffey Jr. and Mario Kart.  Each of these games is a champion regardless of what happens here today ... mostly because not even I know what's going to happen here today.  I'm literally writing this as a stream of consciousness without any direction.  With that said, the winner today will be determined in a fictional Royal Rumble match in my head, with the winner winning the championship for his respective game.  Each game will have four contestants picked by me randomly right now.  They are, for Ken Griffey Jr. Major League Baseball, Ken Griffey Jr. (obviously), Kenny Lofton, Paul Molitor, and Juan Gonzalez.  For team Mario Kart we have Mario, Toad, Princess, and one of the ghosts from the ghost level.  Here ... We .... Go ... (read that last sentence like the Joker from Dark Knight) ...



All of the contestants enter the ring.  Paul Molitor is appalled by the entire situation and immediately leaves.  MOLITOR ELIMINATED.

Toad attacks Kenny Lofton.  The two smallest fighters in the ring at a combined sixty pounds, it quickly morphs in to a ninja fight.  Lofton pulls out a throwing star and throws it at Toad.  Toad ducks.  Well, he doesn't really duck.  He's Toad.  He just stands there, but he's like a foot and a half tall.  The throwing star flys over his head and hits Gonzalez in the ass.  Gonzalez thinks it his gay lover, Jose Canseco, sticking him with a steroid needle and turns around for a kiss.  With his guard down, the ghost thing eats him and he disappears.  GONZALEZ ELIMINATED.

 

Toad runs up behind Kenny Lofton and picks him up, then tosses him in to the crowd ... but wait!  Out of no where Ken Griffey Jr. leaps and pulls Lofton back.  What a match saving catch!  But no!  Nooo!  On the landing Griffey crashes in to the turnbuckle and shatters his wrist!  Terrible!!!  Lofton is safe, but Griffey is down and out.  When he returns to his feet, Griffey demands a trade to a Survivor Series match, having done everything he can do in this Royal Rumble, which kind of confuses everyone, because Griffey still hadn't won anything at the Royal Rumble, but whatever ...  Anyway, Griffey to Survivor Series ... GRIFFEY ELIMINATED.

The battle rages on.  Mario and Princes start having sex, which is kind of weird but kind of hot.  Don't judge.  That weirds everyone out, and everyone kind of just leaves them alone for a while.

The ghost kind of just fades away when no one was looking.  Where did those things go, anyway?  GHOST ELIMINATED.

We're down to the last four!  No, wait, make that three.  Apparently after Mario and Princess got done having sex Mario snuck out when no one was looking.  MARIO ELIMINATED.

Princess is pissed and starts making out with Kenny Lofton, but then realizes that she's not really in to black dudes.  Don't blame her.  She's a three foot tall cartoon princess.  She'd get split in half.  Between that, and fearful that Lofton would steal her tiara, Princess runs away.  PRINCESS ELIMINATED.

When this tournament started, I think we all knew deep down that it would come to this ...Toad versus Kenny Lofton in a battle to who can stay in the ring the longest.   The two run at each other and grapple.  But then, out of nowhere, two of those little mushroom bad guys from Super Mario Brothers enter the ring on horses and with handcuffs.  They proceed to arrest Lofton for the rape of Princess, and escort him to jail.  LOFTON ELIMINATED.



Toad wins!  Toad wins!!  Toad wins!!!  In a stunning upset that kind of even surprises me, Toad wins the Royal Rumble after Kenny Lofton is arrested for rape and Mario Kart wins Video Game March Madness!  Classic.  Mario Kart is the winner of whatever this thing is that I started a few days ago and don't really care about anymore!!!

Mario Kart WINS