Getting Knowledge, Book Of Deuteronomy Style

Well said, bearded crazy man.  No dude clothes for chicks.  Got it.  And of course that includes ball caps.  Duh.  But I'm surprised you stopped reading from the Book of Deuteronomy.  I mean, there's a lot of good stuff in there.  But I get it, you're a busy guy.  You probably have a lot of chipmunks to shoot and ethnicities to protest against.  So I'll help you out, and spread the Book's word.  Here are just a few topics the Book of Deuteronomy speaks to ... and yes, these are real:

On the beautiful story of rape and selling bitches
 22:28-29 reads, “If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver [and they shall marry]."


On not hooking up with your mom or wearing your dad's shit
22:30 reads, "A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt."


On trading in for a newer model
24:1-2 reads, "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour (sic.) in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house [and he may marry again]."


On not getting frisky in your parents house
22:21 reads, "Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath play the whore in her father's house."



On what to do with the Jews
4:27 reads, "And the LORD shall scatter [the Jews] among the nations, and [they] shall be left few in number among the heathen."


On implicitly acknowledging the existence of other Gods
28:14 reads, "Thou shalt not ... go after other gods to serve them."


On how to interact with strangers
7:2 reads, "And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them."


On God not really being that "all knowing," after all
32:27 reads, "And He [God] said unto him [Jacob], What is thy name?"


And finally, on what we should do with people who aren't too sure about good old God
13:6-10 reads, "If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you ... Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die."

God bless the USA.